About body shame
On my drive home the other night I noticed a scar on the backside of my thumb. It’s burn scar that just healed a month ago or so ago. There is nothing particulaly special about it, but it caught my eye and I began to notice other scars on my hand.
There is a scar in the knucke of my index finter from the fight with roger in seventh grade. There is a scar on my index finger from building the dining table five years ago, and a cut on my ring finger from the time I fell while learning to ride my first bicycle.
I was thinking about the cut in my ring finger when I began to think about how I have treated body. I began to wonder what my body would say to me if it were a separate person. Would he shake his fist in the air and curse me for being so careless with him?
I don’t sleep enough. I don’t exercise. I eat too much sugar, and more carbs than I need. I drink very little water. I don’t mediate, I don’t takee my medication regularlly and I can’t remember the last time when I honestly felt in good health. And yet, there isn’t any reason to think that my body would hate or curse me. Despite how poorly I have taken care of my body, it continues to carry me through each day, faithfully.
I feel embarrased for being such a poor stewart of such a beautiful gift. It’s not the kind of shame from being too fat, too short or from noticing that I am starting to go bald. I feel embarrased for being so unkind. I tear up when I think about it and even writing about it now I find that I have to stop if I don’t want to explain why I’m crying.
When I wrote this, I was listening to this song
When I heard the news that Juan Gabrial had passed I became emotional. It was a similar feeling like the one I experienced when Steve Jobs passed. It took me by surprise. This is one of my favorite songs by him (Juan Gabriel). THis is my favorite cover right now.