I love you mom, but I feel invaded
For being such a frail lady, this woman has a huge emotional footprint. I love her, but its hard.
We have been invaded
I told my wife this morning that I feel invaded by my mom. She moved into our bedroom last night. I think that the feeling is appropriate, but I don’t like feeling it. I just wish that the situation that makes her feel like she MUST move into our room was different.
Her dementia has taken different forms over the last year. She use to believe that my wife had put a curse on her and that she (my wife) wanted to kill her. She now believes that the hallucinations that she sees are still due to some witchcraft done on her, but now the perpetrator is Claudia—her neighbor from L.A.
At times, I get mom to a point where she seems to begin to understand that it is NOT the devil accosting her, but an illness. Then, she talks with my aunt and my aunt convinces her that an evil spirit has taken residence in her life and ONLY an exorcists can save her.
Sometimes I wonder if I am wrong and they are right. Is it really the Devil? Has satan taken or an evil spirit (is there a difference?) taken residence in a part of mom’s life? If it’s true, then satan is a pretty shitty marketer. Newsflash, scaring people is NOT a good strategy to win them over to your side. Then again, some will say that satan’s strategy is not to win people over to his side, but just to make people miserable. Newsflash! again, satan is NOT required to make life miserable. Life is just shitty sometimes. People get sick, and people die. If mom believed that, instead of believing that satan is at her door, she would not be as scared as she is. But I can never understand her reality. And that is the shitty thing about dementia. ugh!
I really don’t deserve my wife. I am keeping score of the things we have endured for each other and I am loosing. Thank you.
When I wrote this, I was listening to this:
I don’t know what this song is about. I heard it for the first time today while I wrote this at the coffee shop. I just like it.