Marty Romero

Ways in which I have changed.

I can’t tell if I have become a better person. I don’t feel any closer to a ‘better-version’ of myself that I constantly wrote about three years ago. I actually feel farther away.

Before Now
I am a fair, and open minded Christian. I am critical of christianity, and being around large christian groups puts me on edge.
Friendship(s) are some of the purest type of relationships. I don’t have a lot of friends, instead I have a few close friendships. I am generally apprehensive about friendship(s) in general. I don’t make an effort to build friendships.
I am playful. I am not playful.
I joke with coworkers, and join in silliness. I don’t joke with coworkers.
I listen to 2 - 3 hours of music a day. I listen to music 10 - 12 hours a day.
I go to bed at midnight at best, mostly at 1am or 2am. I go to bed at least 3 hours before midnight.
I have to plan ‘marty-time’—that is, time to be alone. I spend about three times as much time alone as I did before.
I don’t talk much, but I usually have an opinion about what is being discussed. I don’t talk much outside of work
I like thinking about how my wife and I are a good example of two people who love each other. It is continuously present before me, that my wife believes that I am a jerk/asshole.
I don’t worry about much. I believe things will generally work out. I worry a lot.
People talk about anxiety attacks, but I don’t know what they are. I have an anxiety attack about once a week.
I go through phases where I just feel sad. It lasts a few days and then I’m ok. I feel sad almost always.
I don’t chant. I chant daily.
I don’t meditate. I meditate daily.
I don’t think about what comes after I am gone, I am preoccupied with what’s immediately next. I think about death a lot. Not about dying, but about what will I be remembered for when I die. It is a thought constantly on my mind, and what I use to make choices (or regret the ones I make).
I am angry at my sister, and we don’t really talk. I am kinder to my sister.
I am not as patient with mom, but I try to be kind to her. I am less kind to mom.

I am listening to this:

Jose Romero