I need more music

This is my spotify year in review for 2019. It’s interesting to see that “The Lower Lights” were in my top artists of the year, while none of their songs were. Instead, “Hare Krishna, Hare Rama” was.

I need more music

Music has always had a positive effect on my mood. I need more music. Is it weird that one of my “resolutions” for 2020 is to listen to more of it?

I need more meditation

I have noticed that I have become “bitchy” at work. I hate that word, but there really is no other way to describe my attitude. It comes out when dealing with those that report to me and that is what I hate the most. I want to be the type of supervisor that my direct reports to come to when they need advice, support, an ally, or refuge from work. But i’m not! I am bitchy and I hate it.

I started to chant and meditate again. I stopped doing so at the end of 2018 and 2019 began with mom visiting the hospital monthly so I never felt the energy to do so. Ironically it was a time when I would have benefited the most from meditating and chanting.

I have noticed that I try to do it when no one is watching. It’s normal to have this feeling when I am at work because it would be weird, but I feel the same when I am at home. It makes me feel like I am hiding something from my wife and I hate that feeling. My wife and I don’t share much about our personal/spiritual journey these days and I mostly feel embarrased. This is a red flag for me. It means that I don’t feel safe and more than anything I want to feel safe to be fully me, fully authentic at home with my family.

Anyways, I started meditating and chanting in the mornings. When I don’t have time in the mornings, I do so when I get home from work, and sometimes both. I am not sure that it is helping. I still feel bitchy at work, but I hope that time proves to be the instantiating component in my strategy.

Happy new year!

When I wrote this, I was listening to this:

A high school friend of mine played in this band. The “Vaquetones” have since disbanded which is a shame because I liked them.