The move to Washington and my aging mom

Teresa Leon in her mid 40s. I don’t remember where this was nor who took the picture, but that’s me in the white hat.

Mom

When I think of my mum, two words come to mind, determination and fearlessness. I like to think that she taught me to be a little of both. I know that at least I learned to be stubborn to a fault.

This is one of my favorite pictures of her. It was taken when mum was in her mid 40s. I don’t remember taking it, nor who took it, but I love how hopeful and strong she looks (yes, that’s me in the fashionable white hat).

This image of mum familiar. I saw it hundreds of times when the stress of caring for a handicapped daughter (my sister) and a troublesome son (yup, me) was too much. She has always been determined, strong willed, hard, and hard working. She has always had a piercing voice, louder than anyone would like. But, it’s also one of the most tender, compassionate and soft voices I’ve known.

In her latter years she has become more fragile. When I touch her shoulders she cries out in pain from arthritis. She moves at a snail’s pace, and can only limp along for five or six steps before she is too tired and winded to continue. Her hands shake, and when she carries the lightest of things, you think that the weight will take her down. Her skin fits her body loosely now, and the wrinkles in her face and in her hands give away the fact that she is turning eighty.

This woman is largely responsible for who I am and I love her so much.

Washington

Moving to Washington for me was largely about reseting life, but it was also about offering mom a way to not be alone anymore. For as long as I can remember, I longed for the day when I could say to her “mom, here are the keys to your house. Thank you, you don’t have to work, or live alone anymore. I got you.”

The move has been so detrimental for her. I failed to see that for her, Washington would mean loosing her home, her independence, her friends, control of her environment, and more. In exchange, I replaced all of those things with a room in a house that she doesn’t see as her own, in a town that she doesn’t know.

I feel so sad.