Marty RomeroWays in which I have changed.
I can’t tell if I have become a better person. I don’t feel any closer to a ‘better-version’ of myself that I constantly wrote about three years ago. I actually feel farther away.
| Before | Now |
|---|---|
| I am a fair, and open minded Christian. | I am critical of christianity, and being around large christian groups puts me on edge. |
| Friendship(s) are some of the purest type of relationships. I don’t have a lot of friends, instead I have a few close friendships. | I am generally apprehensive about friendship(s) in general. I don’t make an effort to build friendships. |
| I am playful. | I am not playful. |
| I joke with coworkers, and join in silliness. | I don’t joke with coworkers. |
| I listen to 2 - 3 hours of music a day. | I listen to music 10 - 12 hours a day. |
| I go to bed at midnight at best, mostly at 1am or 2am. | I go to bed at least 3 hours before midnight. |
| I have to plan ‘marty-time’—that is, time to be alone. | I spend about three times as much time alone as I did before. |
| I don’t talk much, but I usually have an opinion about what is being discussed. | I don’t talk much outside of work |
| I like thinking about how my wife and I are a good example of two people who love each other. | It is continuously present before me, that my wife believes that I am a jerk/asshole. |
| I don’t worry about much. I believe things will generally work out. | I worry a lot. |
| People talk about anxiety attacks, but I don’t know what they are. | I have an anxiety attack about once a week. |
| I go through phases where I just feel sad. It lasts a few days and then I’m ok. | I feel sad almost always. |
| I don’t chant. | I chant daily. |
| I don’t meditate. | I meditate daily. |
| I don’t think about what comes after I am gone, I am preoccupied with what’s immediately next. | I think about death a lot. Not about dying, but about what will I be remembered for when I die. It is a thought constantly on my mind, and what I use to make choices (or regret the ones I make). |
| I am angry at my sister, and we don’t really talk. | I am kinder to my sister. |
| I am not as patient with mom, but I try to be kind to her. | I am less kind to mom. |
I am listening to this:
